When will the nightmares stop?

{ September 17, 2009 @ 3:31 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Every few weeks I have nightmares about a person that came into my life not so long ago and made it a complete misery. I felt trapped, unable to be myself, completely stripped of my personality, ashamed of myself for things I couldn’t help, scared, lonely and often afraid to speak for fear of an aggressive response. There were even times when I wanted to kill myself as it seemed like the easiest way out. Yep, it was that bad. And I’m obviously still affected by it. But why? Things are good now. I’m back to my old self and feeling more positive.

However, last night I had one of those nightmares. I dreamt that the person had me trapped in a house and was threatening all sorts of violence whilst I desperately called for help. Ok, this doesn’t reflect exactly what happened in real life but the feeling of being trapped and frightened definitely was real.

I just want these nightmares to leave me alone now. Months and months have gone by since I last saw this person. It should all be out of my system now, right?

Sometimes I wish I could erase all the horrid images and memories I have in my head and replace them with flowery meadows and skipping lambs. There must be a spell that can do that. Or a surgical procedure. Or maybe I need therapy…

Whirlwind

{ September 15, 2009 @ 11:32 am } · { Spainisms }
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Just when I thought I’d finally got settled… WHOOSH! Another chapter of my life has ended and a new and very exciting one is just beginning.

Over the past three years my time in Spain has been anything but dull so I suppose this upheaval was on the cards. Recurring dreams about tidal waves were almost certainly an indicator and it’s been a pretty tough few weeks (lost a few friends, shed a few tears, got stressed out about finding a new home) but I’ve come out of it reasonably unscathed and can’t wait to see what the future has in store.

This summer has certainly brought with it a whirlwind of emotions, experiences and lessons. And although I’ve lost a few ‘friends’ I’ve managed to find the old Rebelette again. The girl who lives and breathes music, who hates with a passion and cannot be bothered with pleasantries. She’s back and if you don’t like it, go read someone else’s blog.

About me

{ December 19, 2008 @ 10:21 am } · { Uncategorized }
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1. What time did you get up this morning? 10am

2  What was the last movie you saw? The Nanny Diaries

4. Where is the most beautiful place you’ve ever been? TBC

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Toast with salted butter

6. What is your middle name?  Catherine

7. What food do you dislike? Carrots, tomatoes and coleslaw

8. What is your favourite CD? BRMC by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

9. What kind of car do you drive? An invisible one

10.Favourite sandwich? Mixto -ham and cheese

11. What characteristics do you despise? Annoying people

12. Favourite item of clothing? It WAS my cool coat, until I left it in a taxi a few weeks ago. I’m still gutted.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world for a vacation, where would you go? Salzburg, Austria. It’s where The Sound of Music was filmed!

14. What colour is your bathroom? Sparkling white (I’ve changed my ways…)

15. Favourite brand of clothing? Not into brands and labels

16. Where would you retire? I already have ;)

17. What was your most memorable birthday? My 21st

18. Favourite sport to watch? I hate sports

20. Who do you expect to read this? Nobody

22. Favourite saying? ‘I hate…’

 

23. When is your birthday?  25th April

24. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night person, hate getting out of bed in the morning

25. What is your shoe size? I think it’s a 6 but I always buy 5s as I don’t like my feet to look big!

26. Pets? A panda

27. What did you want to be when you were little? A cartoonist

28. What are you today?  Fashion & Beauty Editor

29. What is your favorite candy? All of it

30. What is your favorite flower? Chinese lantern

 

32. What are you listening to right now? The computer whirring

33. What was the last thing you ate? A packet of Roast Beef flavoured Monster Munch

35. Do you believe in Angels? You know something, I think I do now

36. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Silver with glitter

37. Pet peeves? No sense of humour/prudes/time wasters and back-stabbers

38. Favorite Television show? Shameless

39. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My lovely fella

40. Do you like people? No, I hate them with a passion

41. Favorite soft drink?  Coca Cola Light with ice and lemon, sipped slowly in the sun

42. Favorite restaurant? La Taverna de Pinxto en Marbella Centro

43. Hair Color? Dark brown, naturally, but black if I dye it

44. Any siblings?  Yep, 5, technically

46. What was your favorite toy as a child? My keyboard, my Keypers, My Little Pony and my Glo worm

47. Summer or Winter? Summer

48. Hugs or kisses? Kisses

49. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate

51. When was the last time you cried? I cry when I’m drunk sometimes but the last time I cried properly was about 4 months ago when I was living with a complete horror of a man

 

52. What is under your bed? My suitcase, soon to be put in the store room downstairs

53. Who is the friend you’ve had longest? Shelley

54. What did you do last night for dinner?  My panda made pork ribs with chips and bbq sauce. It was yummy!

55. Favorite smell?  The sea and my skin as it bakes in the sun

56. What are you afraid of? Spiders, pigeons and ghosts

57. How many keys on your key ring? 3

59. Favorite day of the week? Friday

60. How many towns have you lived in? 13, although some were more like suburbs or villages, rather than towns. 

Life is sweet

{ November 21, 2008 @ 5:27 pm } · { spain expats }
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You’re probably wondering why I haven’t posted anything for a while. Well, the truth is, I just don’t have anything to rant about anymore! I’m living in the sun again, have a lovely new boyfriend, lots of new friends, I work from home and live in a great town! Would you be interested in reading about nice things? I think not! What fun would that be? But it’s up to you – if you’d like me to keep writing on here, just let me know and I’ll see what I can do! x

Lambing around

{ April 15, 2008 @ 8:06 am } · { Being back in the UK, Uncategorized }
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Lambing around.

Last weekend, I was surprised to learn that just over the hill from where I live, is a vast and picturesque countryside, filled with newborn lambs, daffodils, lakes, bunnies, calves, deer and pheasants, not to mention good old fashioned Yorkshire pubs.
All this time I have been living in a glorified hell-hole when just a sixty minute walk away, the air is fresh and clean and there’s nothing but pure wilderness everywhere you turn.

This has restored my faith in England, not entirely, but its certainly made me realise that if you venture out of its dreary towns and cities, its not all doom and gloom up north.
Recommended track: ‘Wide Open Space’ by Mansun.

Brunettes have more fun. Fact.

{ April 8, 2008 @ 10:12 am } · { Being back in the UK, Uncategorized }
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Brunettes have more fun. Fact.

Inspired by an article on The Times website and annoyed by the fact that my boyfriend helped a little bleach-blonde bitch put her heavy bag into the shelf above the her seat on the train this morning (while I gritted my teeth and tried to remain calm), I have decided to tell the world how and I why I despise those with artificial blonde locks.

Firstly, I would suggest you read this article. Secondly, I’ve had a bad experience with blondes (I’m talking men here but will get onto bimbos in a second).
I find blonde men vain. They think they can have anything and anyone they want and at any quantity. So, what I’m basically saying is, they like to have their cake and eat it.

However, my issues don’t really lie with the blonde male population, it’s those peroxide whores I can’t stand.
Why do men stare at them/lust after them/like them? I just don’t get it! They’re fakes! They’re afraid to be themselves! I bet they all got bullied at school or were rejected at some point in their lives so they now crave attention. 
I once bleached my hair blonde. I was 14 years old and I thought it would make my then boyfriend fancy me more. It didn’t. And the attention I got was negative. 

“Blonde-haired slag” shouted some random girl as I walked through a council estate one day. That’s when I realised there was nothing fun about having blonde hair. If I was a slag (which I wasn’t), I could understand it but the kid didn’t even know me, so the insult was based purely on my peroxide bonce. 
Once I’d dyed my hair dark again, there was a huge sigh of relief from the lads at school, some even confessed to fancying me, which was nice!

These days, I just can’t take artificially blonde women seriously. They look cheap, they look dumb and they look easy.
In my opinion, brunettes look much more sophisticated, shiny, healthy, professional and sexy. 

So, next time you reach for the bottle (of bleach, that is), just remember, people think you’re a whore! And there’s nothing fun about that! Ha!

I hate all you bimbos!
Recommended track: ‘Once and Never Again’ by The Long Blondes.

What’s hot/what’s not

{ April 7, 2008 @ 11:01 am } · { Being back in the UK, Uncategorized }
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What’s hot:

Topshop’s latest bikini range
Finding old jeans and realising they still fit after 2 years!
Being reunited with my guitar
A pint of cider
Mr Kipling’s Viennese Whirls
Knowing I’ll be on a beach very soon
What’s not:
The freezing cold temperatures even though its spring
Misplacing the lead for my guitar/amp
Having a poorly laptop
Forgetting things
Being constantly tired
Having strange dreams and trying to work out what they mean


Recommended track: ‘In The Cold, Cold Night’ by The White Stripes.

Snow joke

{ April 7, 2008 @ 7:58 am } · { Being back in the UK, Uncategorized }
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Snow joke.

Can you get your breath! It’s April and it’s FREEZING cold and snowing! I’m so sorry but this is just crazy. It’s supposed to be warm, lambs are supposed to be frolicking in the fields and daffodils are supposed to be in bloom! What the hell’s going on here?
Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh! This country just gets better and better! :(

To find out why the UK is so unfortunate, where its weather is concerned, click here. 

Recommended track: ‘Heavy Weather’ by Jarvis Cocker.

 

Remembering a year of virtual insanity

{ April 4, 2008 @ 2:06 pm } · { Being back in the UK, Spainisms, spain expats }
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Remembering a year of virtual insanity.


Since returning to the UK (after working for a web-based property portal in sunny Spain for over a year), I have realised that my ‘international’ working experience was exactly that – an experience! 
Unlike the repetitive nature of British working life, no two days were ever the same while I was abroad. Each hour offered a new and exciting challenge, whether it was strictly work-related or something more juicy, like one of the directors throwing a hissy fit and threatening  to give another member of staff a broken jaw. There was never a dull moment.
Right now, I’m sat at the desk of my new job in the UK and I long for someone to light a cigar in the office, change their job title every two minutes, bring their pet poodle in or for an i ll-tempered director to shout at everybody til they cry. But no, that kind of thing just doesn’t happen here. Don’t get me wrong, there’s bitching and back-stabbing but it’s all done on the quiet. No one speaks out here and that makes for a very dull working day. A day I’m sick to death of because its the same thing, over and over and over and over.
There were some real characters at the office in Spain. I remember looking around in a meeting and thinking ‘not one of these people is sane, they’re all freaks!’. That might sound a little harsh but it’s true. In their own little ways, they were all slightly crazy and that’s what made the place such fun. 
Let’s see – there was the woman that waddled like a penguin when she walked, so me and my friends named her, erm, Penguin, there was a guy that looked like Frankenstein’s Monster, a couple of stalker-type lads in the sales department, a bloke who thought he was smooth but actually resembled a pot-belly pig, a compulsive liar, a coke addict (no, not the drug, I’m talking Coca Cola here, seriously!), a couple of prostitutes, one or two kerb crawlers, a girl obsessed with American sitcoms, a cool and very amusing South African guy (love you!), a middle-aged Spanish pot-smoking hippy woman, a girl with extreme coffee breath, a totally insane receptionist (love you!), a very fun Argentinean girl and a London lass with a love of leopard-prints! The rest were horrendous – I couldn’t begin to describe them to you. Even as a writer, I simply can’t find enough words!

Anyway, if you worked for the same company and enjoyed the daily ‘episodes’, share your story with me – I’d love to hear what your highlights were!

I wish we’d have had a ’school-photo’ kind of picture taken!

Recommended track: ‘I Still Remember’ by Bloc Party.

To keep you posted:

{ April 4, 2008 @ 1:02 pm } · { Being back in the UK, Uncategorized }
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Keeping you up to date.

What are you listening to right now? Chemical Brothers on Radio One

What was the last thing you ate? A chicken, bacon and cheese panini with chips

Last person you spoke to on the phone? My friend Nikki in Spain

When was the last time you cried? Last night, for no reason at all

What did you do last night for dinner?  Chicken kievs, curly fries and garlic bread

Recommended track: ‘Date With The Night’ by Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

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