Lambing around

{ April 15, 2008 @ 8:06 am } · { Being back in the UK, Uncategorized }
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Lambing around.

Last weekend, I was surprised to learn that just over the hill from where I live, is a vast and picturesque countryside, filled with newborn lambs, daffodils, lakes, bunnies, calves, deer and pheasants, not to mention good old fashioned Yorkshire pubs.
All this time I have been living in a glorified hell-hole when just a sixty minute walk away, the air is fresh and clean and there’s nothing but pure wilderness everywhere you turn.

This has restored my faith in England, not entirely, but its certainly made me realise that if you venture out of its dreary towns and cities, its not all doom and gloom up north.
Recommended track: ‘Wide Open Space’ by Mansun.

Brunettes have more fun. Fact.

{ April 8, 2008 @ 10:12 am } · { Being back in the UK, Uncategorized }
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Brunettes have more fun. Fact.

Inspired by an article on The Times website and annoyed by the fact that my boyfriend helped a little bleach-blonde bitch put her heavy bag into the shelf above the her seat on the train this morning (while I gritted my teeth and tried to remain calm), I have decided to tell the world how and I why I despise those with artificial blonde locks.

Firstly, I would suggest you read this article. Secondly, I’ve had a bad experience with blondes (I’m talking men here but will get onto bimbos in a second).
I find blonde men vain. They think they can have anything and anyone they want and at any quantity. So, what I’m basically saying is, they like to have their cake and eat it.

However, my issues don’t really lie with the blonde male population, it’s those peroxide whores I can’t stand.
Why do men stare at them/lust after them/like them? I just don’t get it! They’re fakes! They’re afraid to be themselves! I bet they all got bullied at school or were rejected at some point in their lives so they now crave attention. 
I once bleached my hair blonde. I was 14 years old and I thought it would make my then boyfriend fancy me more. It didn’t. And the attention I got was negative. 

“Blonde-haired slag” shouted some random girl as I walked through a council estate one day. That’s when I realised there was nothing fun about having blonde hair. If I was a slag (which I wasn’t), I could understand it but the kid didn’t even know me, so the insult was based purely on my peroxide bonce. 
Once I’d dyed my hair dark again, there was a huge sigh of relief from the lads at school, some even confessed to fancying me, which was nice!

These days, I just can’t take artificially blonde women seriously. They look cheap, they look dumb and they look easy.
In my opinion, brunettes look much more sophisticated, shiny, healthy, professional and sexy. 

So, next time you reach for the bottle (of bleach, that is), just remember, people think you’re a whore! And there’s nothing fun about that! Ha!

I hate all you bimbos!
Recommended track: ‘Once and Never Again’ by The Long Blondes.

What’s hot/what’s not

{ April 7, 2008 @ 11:01 am } · { Being back in the UK, Uncategorized }
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What’s hot:

Topshop’s latest bikini range
Finding old jeans and realising they still fit after 2 years!
Being reunited with my guitar
A pint of cider
Mr Kipling’s Viennese Whirls
Knowing I’ll be on a beach very soon
What’s not:
The freezing cold temperatures even though its spring
Misplacing the lead for my guitar/amp
Having a poorly laptop
Forgetting things
Being constantly tired
Having strange dreams and trying to work out what they mean


Recommended track: ‘In The Cold, Cold Night’ by The White Stripes.

Snow joke

{ April 7, 2008 @ 7:58 am } · { Being back in the UK, Uncategorized }
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Snow joke.

Can you get your breath! It’s April and it’s FREEZING cold and snowing! I’m so sorry but this is just crazy. It’s supposed to be warm, lambs are supposed to be frolicking in the fields and daffodils are supposed to be in bloom! What the hell’s going on here?
Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh! This country just gets better and better! :(

To find out why the UK is so unfortunate, where its weather is concerned, click here. 

Recommended track: ‘Heavy Weather’ by Jarvis Cocker.

 

Remembering a year of virtual insanity

{ April 4, 2008 @ 2:06 pm } · { Being back in the UK, Spainisms, spain expats }
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Remembering a year of virtual insanity.


Since returning to the UK (after working for a web-based property portal in sunny Spain for over a year), I have realised that my ‘international’ working experience was exactly that - an experience! 
Unlike the repetitive nature of British working life, no two days were ever the same while I was abroad. Each hour offered a new and exciting challenge, whether it was strictly work-related or something more juicy, like one of the directors throwing a hissy fit and threatening  to give another member of staff a broken jaw. There was never a dull moment.
Right now, I’m sat at the desk of my new job in the UK and I long for someone to light a cigar in the office, change their job title every two minutes, bring their pet poodle in or for an i ll-tempered director to shout at everybody til they cry. But no, that kind of thing just doesn’t happen here. Don’t get me wrong, there’s bitching and back-stabbing but it’s all done on the quiet. No one speaks out here and that makes for a very dull working day. A day I’m sick to death of because its the same thing, over and over and over and over.
There were some real characters at the office in Spain. I remember looking around in a meeting and thinking ‘not one of these people is sane, they’re all freaks!’. That might sound a little harsh but it’s true. In their own little ways, they were all slightly crazy and that’s what made the place such fun. 
Let’s see - there was the woman that waddled like a penguin when she walked, so me and my friends named her, erm, Penguin, there was a guy that looked like Frankenstein’s Monster, a couple of stalker-type lads in the sales department, a bloke who thought he was smooth but actually resembled a pot-belly pig, a compulsive liar, a coke addict (no, not the drug, I’m talking Coca Cola here, seriously!), a couple of prostitutes, one or two kerb crawlers, a girl obsessed with American sitcoms, a cool and very amusing South African guy (love you!), a middle-aged Spanish pot-smoking hippy woman, a girl with extreme coffee breath, a totally insane receptionist (love you!), a very fun Argentinean girl and a London lass with a love of leopard-prints! The rest were horrendous - I couldn’t begin to describe them to you. Even as a writer, I simply can’t find enough words!

Anyway, if you worked for the same company and enjoyed the daily ‘episodes’, share your story with me - I’d love to hear what your highlights were!

I wish we’d have had a ’school-photo’ kind of picture taken!

Recommended track: ‘I Still Remember’ by Bloc Party.

To keep you posted:

{ April 4, 2008 @ 1:02 pm } · { Being back in the UK, Uncategorized }
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Keeping you up to date.

What are you listening to right now? Chemical Brothers on Radio One

What was the last thing you ate? A chicken, bacon and cheese panini with chips

Last person you spoke to on the phone? My friend Nikki in Spain

When was the last time you cried? Last night, for no reason at all

What did you do last night for dinner?  Chicken kievs, curly fries and garlic bread

Recommended track: ‘Date With The Night’ by Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Eat tea, phone home

{ April 4, 2008 @ 9:31 am } · { Being back in the UK, Spainisms, spain expats }
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Eat tea, phone home.
pintxo.jpg

Inspired by an article on The Times website , I have decided to list my top ten favourite Spanish foods.

No wonder I lost so much weight towards the end of my year and a bit in Spain - the food is always fresh, it’s healthy and much more appealing than the wealth of fat-drenched junk you get here in the UK. 
I remember sitting back, eating my tea on the beach in the evening sun and thinking ‘man, I’ve got is soooooo good out here!’
Anyway, getting back to the point, my top ten Spanish foods are:

1. Albondigas (meatballs)
2. Gambas Pil Pil (prawns in sizzling hot and olive oil with garlic)
3. Ensalada de Pulpo (octopus salad)
4. Chorizo (spicy Spanish sausage in a red wine sauce)
5. Paella (Rice, seafood and chicken)
6. Sandwich Mixto (ham and cheese toasted sandwich)
7. Patatas Bravas (crispy potatoes in a spicy tomato sauce)
8. Calamares (squid rings)
9. Sardinas (fresh sardines made on a boat-shaped bbq by the sea)
10. Croquetas de Pollo (chicken croquettes)

Strangely, one of the best places to eat in Marbella (for a quick snack) was the BP petrol station cafe! It was completely Spanish (and so it should be, but what I mean is it wasn’t the type of establishment which attracted beer-swilling Brit holiday makers) and everything on the menu was truly Espanol! The cafe catered mainly for hungry truck drivers and builders who were no doubt assembling a new development nearby. I stuck out like rose amongst the thorns in there but the food was great and with tapas at €1 a pop, there was certainly nothing to grumble about.

Another place I loved was La Taberna del Pintxo, one of four restaurants of its kind, located in the south of Spain. Here, you can pick and choose as much or as little as you like, when you like. I used to sit outside where there were barrel-shaped tables and I’d simply wait for one of the staff to come out with a tray of delights while I drank Tinto de Verrano by the bucket load. All the food at ‘Pintxo’ was created using bread as a base. For example, a very simple but very delicious favourite of mine was chorizo sausage on a small piece of white baguette, held together by a toothpick. Another example could be spinach topped with bubbling melted cheese on bread, held together by a plastic sword. Again, simple but extremely tasty. After you’d finished eating, the waiter would count how many toothpicks or swords were left on the plate and tally up the bill that way. I would advise the owner of these restaurants never to open one in the UK - everyone would hide the toothpicks and swords up their sleeves, or do a runner beforehand!

Recommended track: ‘Echo Beach’ by Martha and The Muffins.


 

Not drinking: It CAN be done!

{ April 3, 2008 @ 2:12 pm } · { Being back in the UK, Spainisms, spain expats }
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Not drinking: it can be done.


I am proud to announce that I have NOT been drunk since 23rd December 2007. It is now 3rd April 2008 and although I have had the odd glass of Cava on a Friday night, I have managed to remain sober. 
Gone are the days of climbing up onto the bar in heels and pouring vodka over me and my friends while The Prodigy’s ‘Smack My Bitch Up’ pounds through the room, creating chaos on the dance floor (and that’s not half of it)…
That was only six months ago. How things change!
Anyway, the moral of the story is: it can be done. All you have to do is move to a remote village in the north of England, which has about as much charisma as tin of Spam, sit in the attic all day and all night while the rain splatters the roof, lose the will to have any kind of fun whatsoever and there you have it - pure soberness! 
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Recommended track: ‘I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor’ by Arctic Monkeys.

 

What’s hot and what’s not

{ April 3, 2008 @ 9:09 am } · { Being back in the UK, Uncategorized }
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What’s hot:picture-8.png 

  • Papercraft
  • Cherry Cola
  • Subway still accepting last month’s vouchers (yummy!)
  • Buying bikinis



What’s not:

  • Commuting
  • Being glued to a computer screen 8 hours a day
  • Not being able to find Golden Compass stickers ANYWHERE and getting strange looks from shop owners when I ask if they have any.
  • Wisdom teeth
Recommended track: ‘Pulling Teeth’ by Green Day.

 

Papercraft

{ April 2, 2008 @ 3:10 pm } · { Being back in the UK, Uncategorized }
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Papercraft!


Today, a work colleague introduced me to the wonderful world of papercraft! 
Basically, using papercraft, you can make 3D models of just about anything. All you need is a pair of scissors or a scalpel and some glue. 

She made me a mini version of the very cute milk carton which features in the video for Blur’s ‘Coffe and TV’. It is now sitting on top of computer and looks great!
photo-17.jpg 

Check out Papercraft X 

Recommended track: ‘What The Milkman Saw’ by Reverend and The Makers.

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